I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
