There is no way he is gay with that hair.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
