Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize