We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
