It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize