yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
