This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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