$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
