He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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