And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
