I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
