i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
