I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
