Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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