Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need water and some morals
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
