my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
