Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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