So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
