Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
