He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
