CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
