i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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