New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
