i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
