I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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