the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
