If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
