morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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