Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
