shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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