ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
