I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
