my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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