I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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