guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
