I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
