cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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