just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
