So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
