Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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