All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
