WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
