Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize