He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
