He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize