my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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