can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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