Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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