U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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