I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
