I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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