She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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