2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
