I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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