Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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