I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
