Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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