btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
