Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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