You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
