how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize