dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this just has baby written all over it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
