if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
