apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
