Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
