where am i from again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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