Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
