birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
