Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
