my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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