hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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