She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
