You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
