I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
