There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
