Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
