So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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