I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
