I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
