god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
someone threw a dead crab at me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
