I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
