i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize