Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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