I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
