so explain again why im purple
no
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
