D3 body, D1 cock
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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