3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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