he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
