I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
