If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
