Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
