OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
