how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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