Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
