Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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