VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
