just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
