I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
