Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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