Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
