I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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