I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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