It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
