I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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